Next week will be my 2 year anniversary working at Baptist Hospital. I never thought I would ever say that! Recently I have been thinking about what a huge accomplishment that is for me. I looked for an old journal that I was writing in the month or so before I started work in 2007 and wanted to share what I had written.
June 19, 2007
I want to be at peace with my job starting next week or even some reassurance that this is the right thing. I know I need this experience and this struggle to mature in all of lifes areas. When I walk in there on Wednesday morning I want to feel God carrying me through, to feel his presence. I can't get through this without God. This job is satans trap for me because I'm entering a place full of doubt, selfishness, lies and aggressiveness, all of those things satan knows that I struggle with. I'm scared.
June 22, 2007
God- when I walk in to Baptist allow the Jennie that you created to come out, to blossom, allow me to have an attitude that is humbling and serving. 3 more days til I start. On the 3rd day Christ arose, maybe today is the day for a new resurrection.
Two years later I am still there. Working hard every day. Holding patients hands. Standing up to people who want to see my fail. Proving that God never lets go of his beloved. During those times before and during work I doubted God. Not understanding why he would put me in a place where I could have easily failed. And there were times that I did screw up and I am still learning every day how to do my job better.
I don't have the perfect job. I stand on my feet about 7 out of the 8 hours every week day. I wear 20 pound lead every day. I listen to doctors talk badly about everyone but themselves. I smell/see/hear the most vile things.
I just wanted to share my thoughts because if you have been praying for peace and reassurance about something, know that God doesn't always answer and show you things right away. He wanted me to work where I work in order for me to grow and look to Him in a deeper and a more intense way. I am so thankful for the experiences I have had at work and for getting to know some very big hearted and funny people. And thankful to have a job right now...even though I am writing this while I am on-call and that beeper could go off any time between now and 7 am tomorrow...I am still thankful.
